Tired
I am currently learning the art of emotional detachment. Don't laugh, this shit is difficult for me. Born as someone who feels strongly about many things, especially close relationships, it is a tough challenge to separate my experiences with strong emotions.
I am a person who is easily excited and easily upset. And I can go from one extreme to the other just like that. Some may call it bipolar. But it is this bipolar-ness that makes me, me.
Now, at the ripe old age of 30, I want to change that.
It's difficult when it comes to relationships because sometimes you feel that you have invested everything into it, only to feel that the other person has not. In terms of priorities, you are probably 3rd after their family and work. So what should I do?
I have decided to become an emotional zombie. Truth is, I am tired and I don't want to look for love anymore. I don't want to be in another relationship, I don't want to be going on dates or going through that emotional rollercoaster of a courtship. I don't want to deal with crazy ex-girlfriends who stalk me and bitch about me publicly or ex-wives who carry djinns inside them or whatever.
I am tired.
I don't want to look for another one, so I will settle for whatever and whoever is here, right now. For what it's worth, I think emotional zombie-ness is what makes relationships work, unfortunately.
It's not worth it being someone who is too passionate in their speech and too erratic in their behaviour. Nobody will love you for it. In fact you get left behind. That is always the case.
So what is best is to detach myself from strong feelings. I can laugh, I can still cry, I am allowed to feel that tinge of pain, but I will not dwell on it for longer than a minute. I will move on, get up and look away.
After all, life is short. You just want to make the journey as painless as possible.
I am a person who is easily excited and easily upset. And I can go from one extreme to the other just like that. Some may call it bipolar. But it is this bipolar-ness that makes me, me.
Now, at the ripe old age of 30, I want to change that.
It's difficult when it comes to relationships because sometimes you feel that you have invested everything into it, only to feel that the other person has not. In terms of priorities, you are probably 3rd after their family and work. So what should I do?
I have decided to become an emotional zombie. Truth is, I am tired and I don't want to look for love anymore. I don't want to be in another relationship, I don't want to be going on dates or going through that emotional rollercoaster of a courtship. I don't want to deal with crazy ex-girlfriends who stalk me and bitch about me publicly or ex-wives who carry djinns inside them or whatever.
I am tired.
I don't want to look for another one, so I will settle for whatever and whoever is here, right now. For what it's worth, I think emotional zombie-ness is what makes relationships work, unfortunately.
It's not worth it being someone who is too passionate in their speech and too erratic in their behaviour. Nobody will love you for it. In fact you get left behind. That is always the case.
So what is best is to detach myself from strong feelings. I can laugh, I can still cry, I am allowed to feel that tinge of pain, but I will not dwell on it for longer than a minute. I will move on, get up and look away.
After all, life is short. You just want to make the journey as painless as possible.
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