You can check-out any time you like, but you can never leave!

That's what I feel right now, here. Trapped in an environment where I can never leave.

It's out of pity, or it's out of desperation. Out of the feeling that there is nowhere else to go.

I will stay, maybe for a while. Maybe until things pick up. Maybe til March. Maybe til June.

Too many maybes, no definite answers.

Truth is, I don't want to be a producer forever. I am not good at this, but I make it work. I make it work that now they won't let me leave.

And I am to blame for letting it be. I am responsible for being indispensable.

For once I want to feel like I can walk away...

Like so many things in life, I never was the one who are able to walk away.

It is a weakness that I hate so much.