Just be
So it's confirmed. My sister's going to London for uni and she's leaving in mid September. I'm going to miss her. So soon!
Now I'm going to need to save up to visit often, hopefully starting at the end of the year for her birthday and around Christmas time.
To be honest, that doesn't sound too bad. I've never been to that side of the world. That would strike one item off my "things to do before I turn 30" list. Haha.
Speaking of things to do, I have managed to completely stop buying things on a whim (especially clothes). The only clothes that I have bought recently are a white kebaya top and a vintage dress (which I haven't received yet). And the kebaya top is something that I actually needed, while the dress, well ok that was not exactly needed. But I haven't received it yet nor paid for it, so all is OK. I might even cancel it, since it's taking the blogger forever to get the zipper altered and send the damn thing to me.
Work is so slow this month. After that big job late last month it's been quiet; at least for me. I've been spending my time online at work, reading news and feature articles until I get dizzy and feel like I'm going to vomit. Plus I cannot smoke since I'm fasting so that's longer hours with no breaks staring into the bright void that is the computer.
Anyway, one of the stuff I read that I found interesting (and could remember) is this article about how the order of birth among siblings can determine or influence their personality and intelligence. It mentioned that the eldest sibling will be smarter but the younger siblings will have better grades and be more outgoing.
It does sound a bit like me and my youngest sister. Ehem (Modesty? What's that?). Although I don't know how the middle child (my brother) can fit in to this study. I know he is much smarter than either me or my sister. A friend of mine said when I posted this article on my page that "did they mention trouble"? Haha.
Another trait also inherent in first borns are perfectionism. Ok, so my first reaction was...Whaaaa...? Totally wrong right? I can't stand perfectionists! They are rotten, how the hell does one get anything perfect, more like pain in the ass want it perfect according to you kinda jerk right? Perfect to you is not perfect to me, perfect to me is not perfect for you, so that's why it's total bull when people say they are perfectionists because that is just an excuse to being a total arse.
I digress, as usual. What I was trying to say is, I am so not a perfectionist. That is until I read the article linked to that sibling article. *Gasp* No matter how much I hate a perfectionist, I just realised I am one. Not like the annoying, own horn tooting "I am a perfectionist therefore I will make your life difficult" type. I'm more like, I'm a perfectionist therefore I make MY own life difficult type. Unfortunately. I have this high standards; one that I aspire to and dream of but which I cannot fulfill or reach.
Which in turn makes me into something of a living failure because wanting to be perfect but not having the means or the gift, kinda sucks. It sucks the life out of just living, just being, and accepting oneself. It makes you feel inadequate and inferior so much of the time. It makes you wish that you're another person living that life you want.
Now that I know, I guess it's time to try and not think that people have so high an expectation of myself, that I would feel afraid to do or be anything because I am afraid of how I might be judged. It's time to just be.
Now I'm going to need to save up to visit often, hopefully starting at the end of the year for her birthday and around Christmas time.
To be honest, that doesn't sound too bad. I've never been to that side of the world. That would strike one item off my "things to do before I turn 30" list. Haha.
Speaking of things to do, I have managed to completely stop buying things on a whim (especially clothes). The only clothes that I have bought recently are a white kebaya top and a vintage dress (which I haven't received yet). And the kebaya top is something that I actually needed, while the dress, well ok that was not exactly needed. But I haven't received it yet nor paid for it, so all is OK. I might even cancel it, since it's taking the blogger forever to get the zipper altered and send the damn thing to me.
Work is so slow this month. After that big job late last month it's been quiet; at least for me. I've been spending my time online at work, reading news and feature articles until I get dizzy and feel like I'm going to vomit. Plus I cannot smoke since I'm fasting so that's longer hours with no breaks staring into the bright void that is the computer.
Anyway, one of the stuff I read that I found interesting (and could remember) is this article about how the order of birth among siblings can determine or influence their personality and intelligence. It mentioned that the eldest sibling will be smarter but the younger siblings will have better grades and be more outgoing.
It does sound a bit like me and my youngest sister. Ehem (Modesty? What's that?). Although I don't know how the middle child (my brother) can fit in to this study. I know he is much smarter than either me or my sister. A friend of mine said when I posted this article on my page that "did they mention trouble"? Haha.
Another trait also inherent in first borns are perfectionism. Ok, so my first reaction was...Whaaaa...? Totally wrong right? I can't stand perfectionists! They are rotten, how the hell does one get anything perfect, more like pain in the ass want it perfect according to you kinda jerk right? Perfect to you is not perfect to me, perfect to me is not perfect for you, so that's why it's total bull when people say they are perfectionists because that is just an excuse to being a total arse.
I digress, as usual. What I was trying to say is, I am so not a perfectionist. That is until I read the article linked to that sibling article. *Gasp* No matter how much I hate a perfectionist, I just realised I am one. Not like the annoying, own horn tooting "I am a perfectionist therefore I will make your life difficult" type. I'm more like, I'm a perfectionist therefore I make MY own life difficult type. Unfortunately. I have this high standards; one that I aspire to and dream of but which I cannot fulfill or reach.
Which in turn makes me into something of a living failure because wanting to be perfect but not having the means or the gift, kinda sucks. It sucks the life out of just living, just being, and accepting oneself. It makes you feel inadequate and inferior so much of the time. It makes you wish that you're another person living that life you want.
Now that I know, I guess it's time to try and not think that people have so high an expectation of myself, that I would feel afraid to do or be anything because I am afraid of how I might be judged. It's time to just be.
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