Pains of the heart

I'm going to be strong and not stress myself out anymore. Had a good chat with mum and she said, there's no point in stressing out yourself to the point of hypertension and heart attack. There is no point wasting hundreds of ringgit every month paying for medication for something that you could have avoided altogether.

I had quite a scare the other day. Symptoms of a heart attack. Told my parents about it that night and they wanted to bring me to the hospital. But I was tired and managed to calm myself down a bit so told them no need to. So I guess I was lucky to wake up in the morning.

Mum told me that I had the exact symptoms my grandmother had (my grandmother died of a heart attack a few years ago). It wasn't to scare, but to wake me up from this self-loathing, stress inducing nightmare I'm in.

And in the end, would the stresses from this job and this man be worth it. Together when it is not working out it is lethal. I need to slowly walk away and turn my head away and forward from all this. I have to be selfish, I can't afford not to.